Christmas with the kids and grandkids 12/8/12

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This time of year........

This time of year I always start feeling some guilt about how I raised my children.  We didn't celebrate Christmas due to our religious beliefs.  When my children were 15, 10, 8 & 5 years old I divorced and my spiritual life fell apart too.  We began celebrating Christmas.  As years have gone by and my children now have children of there own, they are expressing feelings of resentment because they do not have childhood memories of Christmas.  This seems to be expressed mostly by my oldest son.  I guess it makes sense since he has absolutely no childhood memories of Christmas.  The others have some memories since they were younger.  I know as they raise their children and see them experience the holidays, it comes home, even more to them, what they missed out on.  I struggle with this, realizing there is nothing I can do to make it up to them.  Sometimes, I want to go overboard with my grandchildren, maybe it's my way of trying to make it up to them or maybe it's my way of giving myself something I missed out on too.  I wish I knew how to handle this but I guess just being honest with each of them, explaining that at the time we believed it was the right religion and the best for our family.  I love each of them more than they will ever really know and it breaks my heart that I can't fix this and I've hurt them so deeply.  : (